been a while-scattered thoughts

ive been feeling anti-social --thats stress related. I hate feeling this way! Kids are home on summer break, grandma dies, hubby changes jobs, work is not doing what i want it to do....planning for the future...AHHHHHH
My birthday is in 10 days, when do you go from wanting a birthday to wanting to avoid a birthday? Ive been feeling that way I think since I turned 29.
I played the lotto the other day...im always saying Ill do this or that, or do great humanitarian things when I win the lotto, but I never play---but i didnt win.
I for sure thought the numbers from the fortune cookie would win...then i realize those fortune cookies dont give you the date you should PLAY those numbers.
So back to my grandma...she was a tough cookie. Never sick, injured, very witty- we have know for about 7-8 years her memory has been off--- we suspected early stages of Alzehimers, and did our part to keep that in mind when we talked to her.
Right after Mothers Day she fell down- and 4 weeks later she died. its wierd but in just those few weeks she was diagnosed as having multiple myloma ( it think thats how its spelled) and its a blood cancer. Becasue she could trick all of the family that she was "just fine" - it was a real shock as she basically withered away.
My Mom was able to be there when she died. They think she was talking with her deceased brother Glenn in the last hours she was alive. They even set up an empty chair next to her for Glenn to sit as she passed. And all this from a non- spiritual family. Her last word was "Don", my grandfathers name.
The funeral was nice. Brings the family closer...isnt that sad? I think thats why I hate funerals. I can actaully deal with the fact that the person is gone, but I dont like the fact that we are only able to meet up as a whole family until someone dies.
My grandfather gave all the grandaughters one of her rings. I'll need to get mine sized, she had small fingers.
Well , i guess thats all for now- on to another day-